T.V. shows like Mad Men, a series about an advertising agency set in the 60’s, are fascinating because they offer a look inside the minds that put words on paper or a screen that, in turn, speaks to our desire for more and better—the good life.
One scene in this show has been on my mind for the past few weeks. Paul, a copywriter, is on a deadline to come up with a campaign for telegrams (specifically Western Union). He stays up late into the evening drinking (it’s what they do on the show). After a random encounter with the janitor, Paul has a stroke of genius. He finds the words that will be the perfect fit for the campaign, and as he says it’s a “once in a lifetime moment of genius.” He celebrates by pouring another drink and lying down on the couch.
The next morning just before meeting with Don (his boss), he wakes up in a panic: he forgot the words. He didn’t write them down, and now he has nothing to present in the meeting. His devastation is real, and makes mention to his co-worker Peggy (who is working on the same account) of the Chinese proverb:
The faintest ink is better than the best memory.”
In meeting with Don, Peggy and Paul both reveal that they don’t have good material for the campaign. Paul tells the story of losing his idea to sleep and booze and then recounts the Chinese saying.
What happens next is a challenge for us all: taking lemons and making lemonade is an art. Said another way, accepting our failure is an art. Don, Peggy, and Paul all feel the weight of losing an idea. I dare say they all grieved the loss of Paul’s idea. Each knows the sadness because they’ve been there before. To be a successful artist, you have to face failure. Peggy comments that a telegram is permanent, much like the ink of the faintest pen. If you want to send something that lasts, send a telegram rather than make a phone call.
Paul’s lost work created space for the proverb to be remembered, which Peggy listened to and allowed the failure to be a friendly presence in their meeting. Befriending failure is such a paradox. Much of life is lived in fear of failure, not in hope and anticipation of it. This opportunity is not too dissimilar to the situations we face in life.
Often times when we are given lemons (sometimes we invite lemons through sabotage), we won’t get beyond the disappointment or shame of what the lemons represent. We feel guilty for letting someone down, shame for not meeting expectations, or like a bad friend because of a forgetful mind.
If you let it, there is a place for everything in life. It takes a great amount of acceptance to befriend the places in life that have only been seen as dark or bad. It’s human nature to hide the shadows of our lives. Unfortunately, in hiding we create other problems. Brene Brown suggests that we cannot selectively numb our feelings. When we numb our guilt and shame, our joy and happiness is numbed as well. When we hide our “bad” parts, we also hide some of our “good” parts as well. Another way of looking at this is we only know what darkness is because there is.
Think of emotions as the dimmer switch to a light. When we hide a failure, we slide the dimmer down and reduce the maximum amount of light produced. Done enough times over the course of life, and our lights are but a faint glimmer.
