Don’t some couples just make you want to get married? They sparkle in each other’s presence, and they laugh constantly. They seem content and complete. No, they’re not perfect, but there is something special about their relationship.
What makes these people’s marriages different? I narrowed it down to this:
They’re best friends.
Everyone wants to marry their best friend. In the best marriages you can still see that element of friendship. They enjoy being around each other, enjoy doing things together, and can’t wait to see each other—even if they’ve only been apart a few hours. The lovey-dovey stuff is good and wonderful, but friendship love is what really lasts. After all, according to Dr. Gary Chapman, the tingly love emotions only last about two years.* So we’d better be friends, or we’ll be miserable for decades!
Personal Application: I want to make sure that the lovey-dovey emotions don’t block my evaluation of my relationship. I need to ask myself, “Do we have a good friendship? A friendship that I can envision growing sweeter with time?”
They’re honest and humble.
It’s easy to see godly couples and think, “They’re perfect! How can I even talk to them about our issues? Clearly, they’ve never had any!” But, like all couples, they probably have experienced whatever is on your heart. The “stand out” couple is the one that shares openly. They don’t pretend to have it all together. They’re humble and willing to talk. They transparently share where they’ve messed up and how the Lord helped them through it.
Personal Application: Are we humble and honest? How will we maintain transparency in our relationship to each other and to others?
They prioritize their relationship.
A friend told me about one of her babysitting clients. The husband would regularly call her to babysit the kids so he could take his wife on a surprise date. And the wife often did the same for her husband. That mutual prioritization of their relationship was beautiful. It takes time and effort to keep nurturing a relationship with special nights out—especially when you add kids to the picture—but any well-married couple would say the effort is worth it as it cultivates a deeper love and friendship. The rewards far outweigh the cost.
Personal Application—Do I prioritize my relationship or let it fall to the wayside? If I am ignoring him, why is that?
They can work together.
Whether it be a business project, planning an event, or in the kitchen, a couple that works well together shines. No one wants to be around a couple that’s always arguing. Proverbs acknowledges this:
A quarrelsome wife is as annoying as constant dripping on a rainy day,” (Proverbs 27:15).
And, in defense of the female sex, the same goes for a quarrelsome husband!
Personal Application—Do I work well with my boyfriend? Constant arguing or bossing each other around is not a good way for our relationship to progress.
They praise each other.
They speak of each other with high regard, always lifting each other up, not bashing or complaining behind their backs. They are living proof that it is possible to “be devoted to one another in brotherly love. Honor one another above yourselves” (Romans 12:10).
Personal Application—Do I speak well of my boyfriend? I need to avoid the bad habit of bashing or complaining about him to my family or friends.
They are one.
This doesn’t mean they are identical in their personality, looks, or mannerisms, but they are one in that neither seems complete without the other. They have a unique way of working, socializing, and ministering together. The “stand out” couple is the epitome of “And they shall become one flesh” (Mark 10:8). They know when to joke and when to leave each other alone. They know when they absolutely have to leave versus when they kinda have to leave and can get away with talking longer.
Personal Application—Can I foresee myself becoming one with this man?
What qualities do you most admire in couples around you? Do those qualities help you know what to look for in a spouse/what to cultivate with your spouse?
*Source: Gary Chapman. Things I Wish I’d Known Before We Got Married. Chicago: Northfield, 2010.
