Q: I have been trying to recover from a break-up. It has been awhile, but the pain doesn’t seem to go away. At what point do I try to move on and how do I do that if I still love him?
A: The pain of a broken romantic relationship is a deep, deep pain. I remember the pain in my own life when my high school girlfriend broke up with me when I went off to college. It is grief because you’ve lost something that you really valued and the average time it takes to get over grief is two years. I don’t want to discourage you but when there’s been a loss of someone you love, it takes time to get over that.
The process is that with your friends, talk about the relationship—share the highlights and also recognize the down side in that relationship. Being realistic will help you get over the pain and the hurt because when you’re in love, you tend to only see the positive things in the other person. We know that they’re not perfect so look at some of their imperfections. That helps you get over the pain because you realize that if you had gotten married, these imperfections would be there and the marriage may not have been as bright as you thought it would have been. However, I wouldn’t suggest you try to rush yourself; There’s no short cut to overcome grief.
