It’s important to ask the tough questions at all stages of a relationship and most importantly before you get engaged. Think of each question like a mini-DTR that helps define where your relationship is headed.
What happens if your significant other doesn’t share your same:
- spiritual beliefs?
- Physical boundaries?
- Financial goals?
You don’t know until you ask!
A Christian relationship says it’s important to share the same values. A worldly relationship says as long as you’re happy—anything goes!
I love this passage from Amos 3:3. It says,
Can two people walk together without agreeing on the direction?”
I don’t think so! For instance, if you’re dating, it might be okay for hang out with your buddies almost every night of the week. Your girlfriend, however, might have a problem with that. Same goes for the girls and their BFF’s.
Maybe your fiancé struggles with overspending, and you’re worried the wedding is just a hint of what’s to come. Or maybe you’re worried how you’re going to provide for your bride once you’re married.
Then—of course—there’s the sex questions.
- What if he’s a virgin and you’re not?
- What if you’re a virgin and he’s not?
- What if you both have waited to have sex until you’re married, and you’re worried about the honeymoon?
Another question to ask once you’re married is: what number is acceptable to have sex once you’re married?
I don’t believe any topic or question should be off limits and, as a newlywed, I also don’t believe you should stop asking your spouse questions. Communication takes two people!
Thankfully, if we call ourselves a Christian, we can rejoice in the freedom God has given us to search the Scriptures and find answers when we feel stuck.
Keep on asking, and you will receive what you ask for. Keep on seeking, and you will find. Keep on knocking, and the door will be opened to you. For everyone who asks, receives. Everyone who seeks, finds. And to everyone who knocks, the door will be opened” (Matthew 7:7-8, NLT).
I resent the sentiment that Christians can talk about anything but sex. I don’t know where it says that in the Bible, and even Jesus didn’t shy away from asking the tough questions. Not only could He see clearly into a person’s thoughts but their heart as well.
Don’t be afraid to express your expectations.
Find out what you are both in agreement and what you’re not. Of course it doesn’t hurt to ask for help when the questions become overwhelming or unbearable. Before we got engaged, Marc and I spent time reading different books, getting pre engagement counseling with pastors we trusted, and made time for date nights when we asked each other the tough questions.
Your wants or needs might be different from the wants and needs of your boy or girlfriend, fiancé, or spouse.
It’s important to learn how or when to ask for help to keep your relationship healthy. I’m so grateful we took the time before getting engaged. Once a guy proposes, the girl accepts, and the ring has been shown to everyone and their mom on Facebook—it seems there’s only time to plan a wedding.
I needed to ask myself this question before we got engaged:
Was I jumping into a relationship headed towards marriage to make me happy and because I always wanted a wedding or because I genuinely loved this man and was willing to spend the rest of my life serving him in marriage?”
What about you? What questions are important to you? Do you think any questions should be off limits?
