We all watched in horror when Ben Stiller’s desire to impress led to a hilarious dinnertime prayer and awkward bragging about his ability to milk the cat in Meet the Parents. However, the real reason that movie made us laugh so hard is because we can relate. Misery truly does love company.
Grafting into a new family after engagement and marriage isn’t always miserable or hilarious, but it almost always comes with some challenges. But loving your in-laws well is not impossible.
We are given a picture of a healthy in-law relationship in the Bible. The book of Ruth contains many important themes, but one we often miss is that relationships with in-laws can be amicable and that honoring each other can lead to great blessing. To be honest, the story of Ruth and Naomi has always seemed a little unrealistic to me. Ruth chose MIL over her own family (1:16). Amazingly she even lived with her mother-in-law (2:23) for a long period of time and yet avoided making snarky remarks at the dinner table. We have a lot to learn from their story!
When considering your role as a son-in-law or daughter-in-law to be, consider these important themes from the book of Ruth:
1. We have to choose to be open to giving and receiving love from our in-laws (Ruth 1:16). Ruth begged to stay with her mother-in-law rather than return to her own family after her husband’s death. Ruth opened her heart and allowed herself to bond to her husband’s mom.
2. Approach your relationship with your in-laws sacrificially (Ruth 2:2). Ruth was willing to serve Naomi. She chose to roll up her sleeves and do the grunt work of gleaning wheat to provide for herself and her MIL.
3. Disrespecting your in-laws may be socially acceptable but it won’t earn anyone’s admiration. It was because of Ruth’s kindness and faithfulness to Naomi that she found favor with Boaz.
But Boaz answered her, ‘All that you have done for your mother-in-law since the death of your husband has been fully told to me, and how you left your father and mother and your native land and came to a people that you did not know before…” (Ruth 2:11).
4. When possible, adhere to their wisdom (Ruth 3:6). Ruth followed her Naomi’s advice. Ahem…is it possible that your in-laws are not trying to criticize you or take the place of your parents when they give you advice? Maybe their wisdom has some merit. Don’t balk simply because your in-laws offer their two cents now and then.
5. Realize that your baby reminds your in-laws of their own babies and that they desperately want to be a part of the celebration (Ruth 4:17). Ruth included Naomi in the celebration of her son’s birth. Having a baby may not be on your mind yet, but the day will come when you will bring home a little bundle that is half you and half your spouse. That baby will share your in-laws DNA and likely capture their hearts from the very beginning. But the relationship with the in-laws can get really tricky when the next generation arrives. Suggestions about how to burp and diaper your new baby can turn into fighting words.
One point that isn’t expressly mentioned in Ruth’s story is that Ruth knew that Naomi was an extension of the husband she had lost. In the same way, your in-laws are an extension of your mate. You may not understand all of their quirks and traditions. You may not even agree with the way they do some things, but it is critical to always keep in mind that they are responsible for the man or woman you love so deeply. Loving your in-laws well is ultimately a choice to love your husband or wife well. Disrespecting or ignoring them will hurt your spouse the most deeply. Romans 12:8 says,
If possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone.”
Simply put, the Bible urges you to do your part to live at peace. What can you do to love your in-laws well this week?
