Stephanie and I began our dating relationship by happenstance. We ran in the same social circles since I’d moved to town four months prior and both enjoyed conversing with each other. During that Christmas break, we exchanged emails telling stories about our respective visits at home. Our emails turned playful as we compared horror stories about things happening with our families over the break.
We decided that when we got back to Nashville, we’d get together over New Years and do something with some friends. It was a great and safe way for us to both spend some more time together, but not as an official date.
We ended up going on a group date and the two of us got “stuck” together as a couple which turned out to be a really enjoyable and fun evening out on the town. This sparked a furious dating period of about 6 weeks before we decided that we were getting married. Less than 6 months after our first date, we were married and on our way to happy ever after.
Little did we know, we’d only made it through one or two of the many yearly seasons. We didn’t know what to do when football season started in late August.
Yours truly is a football fanatic (the Arkansas Razorbacks, to be specific). So when September rolls around and we’re in the middle of a miserable start to marriage (which is a whole other story), my love of football completely surprised Stephanie. She had no idea what Saturdays looked like for someone who is a college football fan. I’d park myself in front of the television for 6 to 8 hours on Saturday making sure that I watched as many games as I could.
Needless to say, that didn’t help the troubles we were having in marriage. In fact, my addiction to football became more entrenched because of the issues we were having. Somehow I managed to take her to a Razorback football game 10 hours away on the weekend of her birthday. I’m still not sure what I was thinking.
We made it through football season, albeit with a few emotional scars tagging along. Then basketball season starts up just after football—then hockey, golf and baseball. There’s a sports season going on at all times of the year and it’s important for you and your spouse to begin talking about the role sports will play in your marriage.
Year one lessons
During that first year of marriage, Stephanie had no idea what to expect from me when my team won or lost. She would joke that the only reason she cheered for my team was in hopes of not losing me for the whole day in the event that my team lost. When my team won, I was delightful to be around. I engaged with her, had a ‘pep’ in my step and was quite amicable to her. When we lost, it was bad. I’d mope and be depressed. Unfortunately, there were a lot of losses that first year.
Men love a sense of adventure, a journey and quests. We love emotionally exciting stories about triumph, courage and competition. American sports fulfills these virtues well. Too often though, watching sports becomes akin to watching reality television. We watch others live and risk their lives, somewhat figuratively speaking, and cheer them on for doing so. There’s excitement and satisfaction when my team wins, but sadness, disappointment and anger when they lose.
It’s ok to love and watch sports but it’s not ok to love and watch sports for more time than you spend on your relationship. It might not seem like it’d be easy to do but watching a couple of football games a week might double the time in conversation with your spouse during the same week.
Marriage is more important than sports.
Eleven years later, I’m still a big fan of sports. But I’ve learned that though it’s important in the moment, sporting events are not transcendent. I can’t remember who won the Super Bowl 3 years ago, or who won what game during that first year of marriage. This is an area in marriage that will require compromise. You and your spouse will have to talk things out and come to an understanding about what’s an appropriate amount of time per day/week to watch sports. With the way technology is today, it’s possible for a sporting event to be watched every single day.
As with anything in life, moderation is the key.
Here are some questions to consider with your spouse:
- What sports are most important to you, and why?
- What have your sports viewing habits been like prior to marriage/engagement?
- Do you expect those habits to change?
