Answer (Gary Chapman): Many couples enter into marriage never having discussed: How often will we have sexual intercourse within our marriage? Not necessarily a question that you would discuss before you get married, but we come with different ideas. Some think it’s going to be every two days or every day or once a week. That’s why I encourage couples to do some reading on the sexual part of marriage before you get married. In our culture, with sex being on every street corner, we feel like we know all about sex. The reality is, most couples know very little about sex when they get married. They know their own sexual desires and history but they may not know very much about the other sex—the female or the male—and how God made them sexually.
There is no category answer to: How often should a couple have sex? We do know that the male body, in terms of generating seminal fluid and sperm cells, han urge for release about every 72 hours. That is through nocturnal emission, through masturbation and through intercourse. If you’re going to let that be the guide, we would say every three days would be the norm.
However, different people are physically built differently and respond differently, so I don’t think we can categorically say. It’s something a couple must work through together. They’re also not likely to be on the same page in terms of desire. That’s why meeting each other’s emotional need—especially the wife’s emotional need—is extremely important if we’re going to get on the same page and find mutual sexual fulfillment.
