Men, fill in this blank: “Women are _________.”
Too broad?
Try this one: “American women are ________.”
Still nothing?
“Southern women are ________.”
“Women within a 50-mile radius are __________.”
If you can fill in any of those blanks accurately you are a smarter man than I. The best I can do are a few broad generalizations that aren’t necessarily helpful with the problem I have—“My wife is ________.” That’s the puzzle I have to solve, the adventure I am called to, the Ph.D. I am supposed to be working toward.
I do like generalizations though. They give some kind of framework to begin, but they can be misleading too. No one fits into any category neatly and cleanly. And assuming your wife fits into a particular mold is going to cause you problems. Your wife is not going to be like her mother, at least not entirely. And she definitely isn’t going to be like your mother. Whatever you and I start with in our imagination about being married—and we all start with something—that person across the breakfast table is going to poke you right in your mind’s eye.
I’ve read a lot of books on marriage, and there are some great ones out there. I encourage you to read a lot of them, because no single one is going to nail it down for you. I remember one book that liked to use lists to describe the “typical man” and “most women” and got discouraged when I saw more stuff on “her” list that applied to me than to her. I liked affection, I wanted to be listened to without her trying to fix anything, I liked financial security! And my wife found herself on the “man’s” list too: hard to share her feelings, likes to work outside, doesn’t know when to tell her friends to leave, etc. Not a very neat and clean fit for either of us.
Read, study, think, pray is the best suggestion I have when it comes to filling in the blanks about your own wife. Start with the Scriptures since God designed people. Then survey your friends for the best books they’ve read. Look for an older couple who can pass along wisdom only time offers. And above all study your wife! Take notes! She’s definitely going to be on the final exam.
