Answer (Dr. Gary Chapman):
In today’s culture, often couples who are engaged find themselves geographically separated from each other for a long periods of time before they get married.
Actually, this was true in my own marriage because my wife and I were attending different colleges. Our relationship was long distance for two years. And that’s why I insisted before we got married that we move closer together. She changed colleges so that we could be closer together and see each other on the weekends. But I understand you can’t always do that, and think there are ways you can prepare for marriage while you are separated geographically.
One way is for both of you to read the same book—read a chapter each week and answer the questions at the end of the chapter. Then, on the phone, discuss with each other your answer to those questions, and whatever other ideas surface from that study. My book: Things I Wish I’d Known Before We Got Married is designed specifically to help you do that. It’s an easy read and it has questions at the end of every chapter that are practical.
The only thing that is missing is you’re not sitting on the couch doing this together, you’re doing it on the phone. But you’re still dealing with the issues just as realistically as if you were geographically together.
Another thing you can do is: If one of you has serious problems in terms of handling your emotions. For example, if one of you has problems with depression, anger or low self-esteem, than you may need to get individual counseling in your location to have some significant growth in that area of your life. That would be preparation for marriage because those things, if they are problems, will surface later on once you get married.
I think the other thing I would say is: Share with each other, on a daily basis if possible, something that has happened in your life that day. Then share how you felt about it or how you responded to it. You can do this whether you’re in college, the military or working in different cities. What you’re doing is sharing life with each other, even though it’s long distance, so that you feel connected.
