What is the first word you think of when you hear “single Christian woman?” Did you think something along the lines of “husband” or “marriage?” Wait! This post may not be going in the direction you are anticipating–it is not about men stepping up, it is not about squashing desires for marriage, it is not about patience in waiting for the right one to come along. It does, however, explore acceptance.
The two pieces of advice I’ve heard (and am probably even guilty of passing on to others) go something like this:
Put God at your center and when you least expect it, He will bring you a husband.” or “When you are content is when the “right one” will come along.”
While well intentioned, those two statements aren’t entirely true. We are not promised a spouse. However, some of us are filled with a desire for companionship and that isn’t a bad thing. Matt Chandler has this to say about the latter: many women have been told…
As soon as you’re content, God will send you a man.’ So you’ve got hundreds of thousands of women running around acting content.”
He then goes on to say,
There is nothing wrong, wicked or evil about wanting a husband or wife.”
I especially got a laugh out of the first quote (see video embedded at the end of this post); pretending to be content sounds much worse than being discontent. Since I am one for tangents, this idea of contentedness also got me thinking about how often I hear the word “content” among Christians. What exactly does that word even mean?
Content: “accept as adequate despite wanting more or better” – Oxford Dictionaries
The definition offers a clearer idea of being content, doesn’t it? We can accept the position we are in and, at the same time, desire something else. True acceptance takes away the power of a good desire to morph into a bad desire–one that consumes our thoughts, focus and decisions. A good desire gone bad acts as a sort of blindfold…
In her article “11 Things to Know at 25 (ish),” Shauna Niequist says this:
Some people view marriage as the next step to happiness or grown-up life or some kind of legitimacy, and in their mad desire to be married, they overlook significant issues in the relationship.”
The potentially destructive “mad desire” she talks about stems in part from denying a natural desire for companionship.
So, accept and validate your desire but don’t live as though your happiness depends on its being fulfilled.
