Why is it often more difficult to say ”no” than to commit without truly expecting to follow through? Shouldn’t it be the other way around?
I thought through some of the reasons it is difficult for me to say “no” to a making a commitment:
- I don’t want to hurt someone’s feelings.
- I’m afraid of what the other person will think.
- I’m afraid of missing a good opportunity.
- I am being selfish by not giving my time to…(the opportunity or person).
- It seemed like a good idea at the time.
So, I put myself in the “other person’s” shoes and thought about times when someone broke their commitment to me rather than just saying, “no” in the first place (it didn’t feel very good). Then I countered my reasons listed above and came to some eye-opening conclusions.
I don’t want to hurt someone’s feelings: It is okay if my feelings are hurt when I’m told the truth. I would far rather someone be honest with me up front than to break a commitment.
I’m afraid of what the other person will think: While I may be disappointed at first when someone tells me “no,” I consider it more admirable and unselfish for someone to be straightforward. Plus, I believe that God would rather us maintain integrity than to worry about saving face.
I’m afraid of missing a good opportunity: Sometimes when we are presented with a chance to make another commitment, God is giving us an opportunity to practice honesty and healthy boundaries by saying, “no” or “let me think about it and get back to you.”
I am being selfish by not giving my time to…(the opportunity or person): On the contrary, it is actually selfish to commit, rather than say “no”. It would be much better for the other person in the long run to tell them the truth tactfully, rather than leading them to believe you are all in. Being straightforward and honest shows character and respect.
It seems like a good idea at the time: I am often way to quick to commit without thinking through whether I can give my best to someone or to a task. Before making an important commitment, it is both responsible and Biblical to first take time to pray and consult others (James 1:5, Proverbs 12:15).
Often, I am unable to draw boundaries because I fear that the other person will be angry with me. I don’t need to be afraid if I believe that the Lord is the final judge, as well as trust that He will guide my steps and is in control of my life. When deciding whether or not to commit, I try to ask myself, “How will my decision be honoring to God? Will my decision be honoring to the other person? If I’m not sure, then I can just say, “I’ll think about it and let you know later.”
Commit your way to the Lord, trust in Him, and He will act.” – Psalm 37:5
