I came to a point, not too long before I began dating my fiancé, when I was content being single. In fact I wasn’t just content, I was happy being single. Although I was open to dating and still knew that someday I wanted to share my life with someone, for the time being I was content being single and enjoying the perks that came with it.
This was not always the case. It was a long road to this place and I only got there by letting God guide me. I understand heart break, loss, and the disappointments that can come from single life. I spent more years than I wanted being single. I remember being in one wedding after another, genuinely happy for the bride and groom but silently praying,
Lord, when will it be my turn?”
I have been looking forward to my wedding since I can remember. I even remember at a young age tying a sheet around my waist to use as a wedding dress train. Weddings are exciting and something that, if you’re like me, anticipate and plan for before you ever met “the one”.
The Image We Create
I read The Great Gatsby in high school and was amazed at what I learned. Now, I’ll be honest, I don’t remember much of the story but from what I can remember, here is the shortened version of it: Gatsby loves girl. Gatsby can’t have girl. Gatsby longs for girl. Gatsby gets girl. Girl is big disappointment. You should know that there is much more to this tale but since I’m not your high school English teacher, I’m not concerned about you missing it.
The part of the story that hit me was that Gatsby had longed for this woman for so long, and yet, when he finally got her she wasn’t what he had envisioned. You see, he had wanted her so badly that in those years of longing he had created in his mind a person that was so flawless, that the real woman could not live up to his image.
There are benefits of marrying later in life. We may have a career, goals that have been reached, a savings account (with money in it), and wisdom that you may not have had earlier. However, the more time we spend focusing on how much better our lives will be when “the one” comes along, the more likely we are to create a perfect unattainable picture in our heads of what that person will be like.
We need to be cautious of the image to which we compare our future mates. We need standards for sure when it comes to choosing who we will make a lifetime commitment to. But is the image of what our spouse should be too high of a standard?
Expectations for the Perfect One
Some of Jesus’ followers were confused and disappointed by Jesus’ mission. They had been waiting thousands of years for the Messiah. They had this image of a Man who would change their lives on earth forever. Look at what happens in John 6:15,
Jesus, knowing that they intended to come and make Him king by force, withdrew again to a mountain by Himself,” and later in John Jesus says, “My kingdom is not of this world. If it were, my servants would fight to prevent my arrest by the Jews. But now my kingdom is from another place…” (John 18:36, NIV).
Can you imagine the shock at how Jesus was acting? The King goes away so they don’t make Him the king they desire then later says His Kingdom is from another place. This Messiah, in the minds of humans, was supposed to come and fix everything. But Jesus didn’t fix it the way that humans thought it should be fixed. He came in a way that no one would think the Messiah should come and shattered the image that they had thought the Messiah would be.
For years I dreamt of becoming “Mrs. To Be Announced.” In those years, I formed a picture of what a husband should and would be. Then a real man came along who is more of a blessing than I ever imagined, but I still must be cautious of comparing him to the image of a husband I held in my head for so long. He met my criteria for the ideal spouse for me but that doesn’t make him perfect. He’s still human.
If we are expecting to find someone who fits the image of the perfect spouse that we create in our minds, we are likely to find ourselves disappointed in the one that God may bring to us.
FEATURED CONTRIBUTOR:
Heather M. Bissett is a foster care and adoption caseworker from a small town in Ohio. She earned her bachelors in Family and Consumer Sciences at Mount Vernon Nazarene University. She enjoys spending time with her wonderful husband, Jacob, family and friends. She also treasures her time working in the media department and leading drama ministries at her church. Heather is passionate about helping others, working with children, teens and adults, and sipping Coke Zero as often as possible. Visit Heather on Facebook or Twitter.
