Have you ever had a conversation with someone that went uncomfortably deep, way too quickly?
I came across a funny skit (embedded at the end of this post) the other day illustrating a couple of the most common mistakes I think people make when getting to know someone. For starters they assume the person is mutually available and interested, and secondly they reveal too much too soon, without giving the other person a chance to respond…or escape.
“I’m just a ‘deep’ person.” I’ve heard many people describe themselves in that way, including myself, but what do we mean when we label ourselves as deep? For me, it means that I enjoy getting to know someone beneath the surface by way of meaningful conversations. However, there is such a thing as going too deep too quickly, and people are comfortable with different levels of conversation. During an initial conversation, for instance, there is no need to tell our life story (unless this is an agreed upon goal of the conversation).
I have had to learn the art of conversation by trial and error, having laid my heart out there and then feeling disappointed and embarrassed when other person didn’t reciprocate. Not a good feeling. That means they are just shallow, right? Wrong. I’ve also heard the arguments, “that’s just who I am” or “I’m not going to be fake.” However, there is nothing shallow or fake about respecting the other person’s boundaries surrounding conversation.
Rather than letting God facilitate the relationship in His own timing, I took control and just made a mess of the entire situation, and quite honestly, a fool out of myself. Of course, we can look back and laugh at those times because we learn and grow from them…hopefully.
Sometimes when we over share, our motive for doing so is not healthy. Unintentionally, I was desiring, and therefore trying to create, a connection with the other person. You may think, “well, desiring a connection isn’t such a bad thing.” You’re right. It isn’t. However, trying to create a connection because we feel lonely or insecure is not a valid motive. That type of forced connection could be deemed as manipulative.
As a Christian, I am called to serve others out of love (Galatians 5:13). I am not serving my new friend, date or coworker if I am causing them to be uncomfortable with my unfiltered words.
