“Birds of a feather flock together,” is a kitschy way of saying we tend to hang out with people a lot like ourselves. If you’re an engaged couple that likely means you’re used to spending time with folks on a fairly limited spectrum. My guess is that the bulk of your free time is spent with either a) each other (since you like each other so much!) b) other couples who are either engaged or seriously dating c) newlyweds or d) that bachelor friend from college, who always seems to be hanging around.
It makes sense for you to spend your time this way, but it isn’t exactly biblical. Instead, Titus 2:2-5 says,
Teach the older men to be temperate, worthy of respect, self-controlled, and sound in faith, in love and in endurance. Likewise, teach the older women to be reverent in the way they live, not to be slanderers or addicted to much wine, but to teach what is good. Then they can urge the younger women to love their husbands and children, to be self-controlled and pure, to be busy at home, to be kind, and to be subject to their husbands, so that no one will malign the word of God.”
Respect, self-control, sound faith, strong love, kindness and a busy and fulfilling home life. These are all things that you are going to need to go the distance as a couple. Who does the Bible suggest you learn them from? Other couples. But not strictly couples who are just like you and living in the exact same stage of life. Nope. The Bible urges you to learn from couples who are older, who have a few more years of life (and marriage) under their belts and a few more kernels of wisdom to share.
Once upon a time
In the days when Paul wrote these words to Pastor Titus, this formula of older men and women mentoring their younger counterparts was happening more naturally then it does for us now. Extended family still lived in close proximity and often in the same house. Paul’s curriculum was most likely to be taught around the dining room table, or in a fishing boat during the course of normal daily tasks. Cross-generational mentoring isn’t happening as easily as it once did, but that doesn’t mean Paul’s words don’t ring true. Tapping into the wisdom of your Christian brothers and sisters will require intention on your part, but the payoff for your efforts will be a well-roundedness that can’t come from spending all of your time with others who are just like you.
So, here’s a homework assignment for you: get out of your comfort zone and look for couples in varying stages of life and then invite them to hang out. And here’s a really radical plan—find a couple with kids and ask them not to hire a babysitter. Spend time with them and their kids in all the messy chaos that entails. How else can you learn what loving your own children will look like someday if you don’t see God’s plan in action?
Learn from “older” couples
Since I started this post with a bird cliché, let me end the same way—”Don’t put all your eggs in one basket.” In other words, when it comes to your relationships, especially those where you are most likely to glean wisdom, encouragement and the attributes of Christ, the Bible urges you to diversify your social portfolio. Spend time with couples who have loved each other a long time and rub shoulders with them often enough to glean from Christ’s work in their lives.
Then, hop back on this web site and tell me about it. As an “old-married type” myself I can’t wait to hear your stories of how God uses the principles of Titus 2 to teach and encourage you (Right after I finish making tacos for one of my favorite engaged couples who is coming over for dinner).
