Don’t do it. Biggest mistake of my life.”
There I was, thrilled to be applying for my marriage certificate, when a man to my left felt the need to express his opinion on marriage. I was completely taken off guard by this comment and it took me a few seconds to recover from my surprise. My emotions could not have been farther from this pessimism. Anticipation had been mounting for almost seven months since I was first engaged. Now, in only few short weeks, I was to marry a wonderful Christian young man that I had dated for two years. There was no doubt in my mind that I wanted to marry Justin. However, this man was dead serious in his advice—don’t get married.
After ending the awkward situation as gracefully as I could, I returned to my business with the court clerk. As I asked the clerk some questions about name changing, a woman to my right piped in, “Changing your name is such a pain. I had to do it for one of my kids and it is really expensive.” She must have thought that my marriage would join the fifty percent of marriages that end in divorce. She assumed that someday I would no longer want to share my name with my husband.
I left the courtroom with my heart a bit heavier than I had hoped. What a tragedy that marriage is perceived as a mistake. Both of these people had little faith that a marriage could be a beautiful, God-given gift. I had no delusions that we would experience “happily ever after,” yet I knew that I wanted to share my life, the joys and the struggles, with Justin.
We said our vows
Months after the wedding, I mentioned this experience to our small group of young married and engaged couples. Heads nodded in recognition of the attitudes and comments I had received. Both the women and men, but particularly the men had experienced similar encounters with strangers and even friends. Many people advised them not to get married or questioned the point of marriage. One of my good friends is afraid to mention even the smallest thing that might irk her about her husband because her co-workers simply suggest that she get a divorce. It is so hard for her to explain to her non-Christian friends why divorce is not an option and she and her husband are truly living “till death do us part.”
Marriage is good with God
God created marriage at the beginning of time with Adam and Eve. After creating Eve to join Adam, Genesis 1:31 reads, “God saw all that he had made it was very good.” What so many people don’t see is how “very good” marriage can be between two people who put each other first.
I’ve seen my fair share of marriages that are not “very good.” I’ve cringed when husbands and wives take every opportunity to pick at each other. Other times the exchanges turn to insults. These are the homes that are not safe emotionally and, at times, physically for the spouses and the children who live in them. These are the homes in which selflessness gives way to selfishness for one or both of the spouses.
I am blessed to have seen what a “very good” marriage looks like. I grew up watching one in my parents. We celebrated their 40th anniversary last year. Two words that accurately describe the home in which I grew up are safe and loving. It was always a refuge from the drama in middle and high school. My parents were my confidants and my best friends. I love watching them love each other. They genuinely enjoy being together whether it be cutting firewood or making dinner. I talk with them daily and they put the phone on speaker so that we can all talk together.
My parents also both grew up watching “very good” marriages. Both of my grandparents celebrated over 50 years. Their devotion and care for each other, truly in sickness and in health, are a testament to the amazing relationship marriage can be. Both of my grandmothers cared for their husbands for years toward the end of their lives. They modeled faithfulness and devotion even when times were tough.
I don’t know what kind of marriages the man and woman in that courthouse grew up watching or experienced themselves. I just wish that they could see what a “very good” marriage can do for both spouses, the children and everyone touched by the marriage.
…And it’s not a mistake
I would not trade the first two years of my marriage, the tough days or the easier ones, for anything. I know that a “very good” marriage takes time, effort and lots of forgiveness. That man in the courthouse said marriage was the “biggest mistake” of his life. Still, I know that marriage was the best decision of mine.
