Life before marriage was mostly about me. I did my best in high school so that I could graduate at the top of my class and earn scholarships for college. I worked summers between college years so that I could afford to graduate debt-free. I studied in college so that I could earn my degree. Senior year, I choose to take a teaching job in Montana after graduation. My boyfriend, at the time, chose a job in upstate New York.
In my first year of teaching, I threw myself into my job. But at the end of each day, I waved goodbye to my students as they grabbed their backpacks and dashed for the door. My personal life was still pretty much all about me, until my boyfriend got down on one knee halfway through my first year of teaching. From that moment on my life would never be the same. Justin and I were certain that we wanted to get married, but we were not certain about where we would live.
A Tough Decision
Although the former was an easy decision, the latter proved to be just the opposite. Living and teaching in Montana was my dream. I loved teaching in that rural Christian school surrounded by mountains. There was nothing I wanted more than the chance to get married and stay in Montana. Although we asked and looked everywhere we could think of, we were unable to find my fiancé a job in the area. We had to seriously consider the possibility that it was better for me to move to upstate New York.
Many people choose resentment when moving for a spouse. I grew up in rural Alaska near a military base. I remember very clearly the women who hated Alaska with every ounce of their bodies. They made it very clear to everyone around them that they were not happy to be stationed there. Some even left their husbands over the location. I decided early on that I did not want to be like those women, no matter where my husband and I lived.
It was not going to be easy. One evening when I was visiting upstate New York for the first time, I sat in a booth at a takeout pizza place. I started to cry, really cry. For the first time in my life, I was sharing a big life decision with someone else. I’ll admit, selflessness is tough.
Making a Sacrifice
Philippians 2:3-4 (NIV) reads, “Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit. Rather, in humility value others above yourselves, not looking to your own interests but each of you to the interests of the others.”
There is no other place in which I have found this verse to be more relevant than marriage (I am not yet a parent, but I hear that I will learn to be even more selfless when that time comes). Although some would call me crazy, I chose to put another before myself. I chose, in a very concrete way, to live out this verse. I informed the school board, barely holding back tears, that I would not be returning for a second year. I hugged students, fellow teachers and friends goodbye. I closed my classroom door for the last time, packed up my belongings and moved to upstate New York. It was one of the hardest things I’ve ever done.
Dreams Change
I’m currently in my second year in upstate New York and still have not found a teaching job. Instead I have been substitute teaching and recently started my graduate degree. The world would call me crazy for giving up my dream teaching job to join Justin in New York. Yet, marrying Justin was the best decision I’ve ever made. Early on in our marriage I was able to show my husband that I put him first. I don’t hold it over his head or use it as a guilt tactic. It is simply a gift that I have been able to give him and one for which he is extremely grateful.
My life is no longer all about me. Today Justin and I dream of moving out west together. I cannot think of a better dream than moving with the love of my life back to the mountains. Although mountains are not outside my window now, I realize that I made the right choice and no job or location could ever replace my husband. I have never regretted my decision to marry Justin and, mountains or not, I never will.
