Bob Dylan gave some pretty good advice when he said,
I think of a hero as someone who understands the degree of responsibility that comes with his freedom.”
But what happens when we take the responsibility part out? I would argue that we become less free. Living way beyond our financial means is an example of forfeiting our freedom by not being responsible. Debt enslaves us to our debtor…and according to an interesting article I read called Bank on It, it doesn’t help our marriages either:
Consumer debt (e.g., credit card debt) plays a powerful role in eroding the quality of married life. Consumer debt fuels a sense of financial unease among couples, and increases the likelihood that they will fight over money matters; moreover, this financial unease casts a pall over marriages in general, raising the likelihood that couples will argue over issues other than money and decreasing the time they spend with one another.” – Jeffrey Dew
The part that caught my attention was a chart showing the association between newlyweds’ marital satisfaction and consumer debt. It isn’t surprising to me that my generation’s (Gen Y) spending habits, particularly our liberal use of credit cards, over the last decade are now causing tension in our marriages. However, the study made me think about ways we can evaluate and make changes to our spending habits today, whether we are single or married.
Old habits are hard to break.
One of my newly-married friends recently shared with me that she and her husband joined bank accounts. Kate and Jake were married a few months ago and love married life. However, seeing each debit card swipe was causing some tension between them; they had to learn how to make wise financial decisions together.
Frivolous spending habits they had adopted while single were carried over into their marriage. While both Kate and Jake have good jobs and are responsible people, they were spending a lot of money on going out to eat because they were traveling almost every weekend. Finding time to grocery shop and cook meals was a challenge but Kate made time during the week and hoped they could both try making lunch at home to save money.
They also found that it was important to communicate about their spending priorities. For example, they agreed that they would make it a priority to give to their church and start keeping better track of their monthly giving.
A gratifying discipline
As a single woman, I don’t share my bank account with anyone. But one way I stay accountable is spending money as if someone else can see every purchase. I don’t have to wait to marry in order to have healthy spending habits, then if I do get married, I’ll already have some good habits in place (I started by making coffee at home instead of buying it at Starbucks; those lattes really add up!). By making responsible choices now, I’m not only serving God but possibly my future husband one day.
God calls us to have self-dicipline and to be good stewards of our money (Luke 6:1-13). He also knows what’s good for us (Proverbs 1:33) and is a champion for marriage (Mark 7:7-12).
I am finding that becoming a better steward of my money is actually a pretty gratifying discipline. Here are a few helpful tips that I’ve picked up along the way:
- Create a practical budget and go over it each month to see if you’re sticking to it and where it may need to be adjusted.
- If you are engaged or married, agree with your spouse to meet on a regular basis to go over your finances. Jot down a few ways you can help each other stick to your agreed-upon budget.
- If you struggle with sticking to a budget, ask your spouse or, if you are single, a trusted friend to help keep you accountable.
- Make an appointment with a financial counselor. (Check with your local church to see if they have financial services available.)
- Cook meals at home (this can make for a fun date night!) a few more times each week rather than going out to eat.
- Come up with a few causes that you feel passionately about and would like to support financially, such as your church (if you aren’t tithing already), a local homeless shelter or a non-profit that helps children in need.
- Only use a credit card if you are able to pay it off each month; live within your means (Hebrews 13:5).
A blessing to others
Our financial resources are a gift from God. It is important to manage them in ways that are honoring to Him and to others. Whether single, engaged or married, when we free up our finances in one area, we have more to give. For example, we can choose to sacrifice a meal out in order to buy a meal for someone who can’t afford one. While there is definitely room for a Starbucks latte, a new pair of shoes and a nice meal out, it is our responsibility to use the money God has provided to care for each other (Luke 12:29-33).
Giving financially is a struggle for me and the Spirit has urged me many times to give when I don’t feel it is a good idea. One particular time, I was worried about having enough funds to cover all of my bills for the month. So I prayed about it. Then God gave me an opportunity to give, to treat one of the youth group girls to dinner (remember when you were in high school? I do. Free food was the best). I said to Him, “God, I don’t have enough and you want me to give anyway. That doesn’t make any sense but fine, I’ll do it.” So I bought her dinner. When I came home, I found a refund check in the mail for a bill that I overpaid some months earlier. That check covered our dinner tab. I also ended up having enough to pay my bills for that month. There have been other times when I wasn’t obedient—those stories are for another article—but this time I was, so God used me to bless someone else and grow my faith.
God or Money?
In closing (cheesy analogy alert, love them), God is kind of like the ultimate Monopoly man, who already knows our every move in advance, and we are like the little silver pieces going round and round the board. All we can do is make a decision based on the spot we land. We can’t control the number on the dice or the decisions the other players will make. It’s all from Him and He can take it all away in a second! While it is my responsibility to make wise financial decisions, it is my first priority to honor God with those decisions.
No one can serve two masters, for either he will hate the one and love the other, or he will be devoted to the one and despise the other. You cannot serve God and money” -Matthew 6:24 (underline is my addition)
