Thirty percent unmarried rate is highest in six decades.
That was the title of an article published in USA Today back in May of this year. The article wasn’t a surprising read to me since it’s quite obvious that marriage is on the decline. As the article stated, “Increases in both the age at first marriage and in unmarried couples living together are largely responsible for the rise in the never-marrieds.”
I had been handed the article by a gentleman I was sitting next to on a cross-country plane ride to a speaking engagement I was headed to. He saw me looking over my speaking notes and inquired where I was from, where I was headed, and what I was up to. As I shared with him that I am a marriage and family therapist, founder and C.E.O. of the non-profit, Foundation Restoration, and managing editor for StartMarriageRight.com, he looked at me surprised.
“Not many people your age would be so interested in marriage. We certainly need people like you out there. It’s not looking good for marriages these days,” he stated.
Sadly, he is right.
As we began to chat, I told him about my passion for marriages. He shared that he and his wife had been married for over twenty years. It was amazing to see how, as the conversation went on, he became more and more animated about his marriage. It reminded me why I do what I do … because I believe in marriage with all of my heart and soul.
It’s apparent that the attitude toward marriage is changing. People who have yet to marry are often put off by the idea because of career endeavors, a general negative outlook on marriage, and/or the popularity of alternatives such as cohabitation. Marriage isn’t an automatic assumption these days.
Despite this upward trend of people opting to refrain from getting married, I am not discouraged. People want to believe in marriage. They want to know that a happy marriage is still something to be desired and possible to attain. The world is craving real-life love stories. My conversation with the guy next to me on my plane ride confirmed that.
It’s Okay
It’s easy to get caught up in the negativity surrounding marriage these days, but it’s okay to go against the grain. In fact, we need more people standing up shouting from the rooftops how great marriage is, or how excited they are for marriage. Marriage is incredible, and there needs to be a renewed excitement, understanding, and appreciation for it.
Too many times I hear people moan and complain about marriage.
“She’s a ball and chain.”
“He’s useless.”
These are also the same people that want their marriages to run on auto-pilot instead of putting in the daily effort and regular maintenance it needs to thrive. Marriages are what you make of them. Just like anything else in this life, if you don’t give your spouse and marriage the love and attention it needs, it will die.
It’s kind of like with your job. If you barely show up, never do your work, and then get fired, you have zero room for complaining. Marriages are similar. If you don’t show up every day, put forth your best effort, work hard, learn, grow, and develop, then you aren’t going to reap the rewards it has to offer.
Reality Rocks
When we put in the necessary efforts to make the most of our marriage both before and after the walk down the aisle, marriage is incredible. Sure there are arguments, tough times, differences, and days you just don’t know what you are going to do with yourself, let alone your spouse. But, overall, marriage is awesome.
My husband and I were just talking about this with my parents while they visited us here in Southern California from Pennsylvania. I was saying how I couldn’t believe just how much better life is with my husband than without him. Before we got married, I loved, adored, and highly anticipated my life with him, but that was all dim in comparison to how life with him actually is. I love every second of it – the good, the bad, the ordinary, and the extraordinary.
People around us scream all sorts of negative messages about marriage. Movies, television, and magazines make marriage seem like a thing of the past. Unfortunately, it seems their messages might be penetrating the minds of singles everywhere, as seen with the rising rate of people opting not to get married. And, these same messages discourage and deteriorate the essence of marriages in general. This is a tragedy.
Marriage isn’t the problem; it’s the people getting married. We’ve lost sight of what marriage is all about and what it entails. It’s a gift that should be treasured, revered, and cared for. We can’t expect it to be a self-serving entity that operates easily and solely for the purpose of personal fulfillment. That’s a recipe for disaster.
Hebrews 13:4 says, “Give honor to marriage, and remain faithful to one another in marriage.” That’s the mentality we need toward marriage. It’s a holy union that God blessed us with to aid and equip us to venture through this crazy life. It’s a reflection of Christ and the church. It’s a precious, sacred blessing that we need to give our best, Christ-like effort to. It’s up to us to change the world’s mind about marriage.
