I need a husband for the day.”
It’s a common phrase I read on social media or hear girls say to their girlfriends. Usually it’s said because it’s tax time or there is some household task that might be better suited for a guy to handle. So, the joke is made that a husband is needed for the day.
I’m sure most girls say this with both sarcasm and sadness in a way that isn’t meant to be derogatory or demeaning to men, but does that make it harmless? I believe the question to that answer is, “No.” This saying says more than it seems about men, women, and relationships and deserves to be addressed.
Self-Service Station
Relationships, particularly marriage, are often viewed and treated as though they are self-service stations. Not as in, you take care of things yourself. As in, marriage exists to serve your needs, desires, and emotions only. Instead of being an opportunity for selfless, other-oriented commitment, seeing marriage with a self-serving mentality is dangerous.
Successful marriages are built on Christ’s example of selfless love and sacrifice given to each of us. We didn’t earn it or deserve it, but it was given in spite of ourselves. Marriage is supposed to be an earthly example of that Christ-like love. We are meant to care for, cherish, appreciate, and love our spouse unconditionally. It’s not something our spouse earns; it is freely given because of our love for him or her. Granted, we are human so we don’t always live up to the example Christ gave to us, but the point is that we are to “do nothing from selfishness or empty conceit, but with humility of mind regard one another as more important than yourselves” (Philippians 2:3).
This “husband for a day” mentality indicates an attitude that marriage is all about self-service. What can he do for me? How can this relationship benefit me? Me, me, me. While, I am sure not every person who makes this statement feels that way, it is a cautionary warning to be aware of the danger in this “all about me” way of thinking. And of course this doesn’t mean you should be a doormat or robot without feelings, expectations, or needs from your spouse. Rather, it means that marriage is designed to be fulfilling for both individuals; we are called to care for and serve our spouse’s needs and desires in a way that is respectful and honoring to God.
Merely Men
Feminism has created an over-the-top movement that pushes the independent woman persona and anti-male agenda. Not all feminists feel this way, but this feminist-informed agenda is reflected in this “husband for a day” saying. Women are equal to men, but they are not the same as men. Both genders have their strengths and weakness, and they are a complementary pair.
Women are capable of a lot of things, as are men. A lot of women these days, though, walk around with a chip on their shoulders acting as though men are the scum of the earth and below them. They think, “I can do it all on my own! I don’t need a man.” Men aren’t accessories to a woman’s life like a purse or necklace; they are human beings of equal value to women that enrich the lives of those around them. They aren’t just there to change light bulbs, carry heavy suitcases, file taxes, or tackle household fixes. Men are amazing human beings that God gave to women to balance, complement, and complete women.
It is not okay for women to minimize or degrade men just like it’s not okay for men to demean or disrespect women. Both genders need to embrace the value of one another and learn to cherish each other, especially in relationships. You will be hard-pressed to find a thriving relationship between two individuals who think poorly of each other. Fulfilling marriages and relationships involve mutual respect, appreciation, and love. Seeing the best in one another brings out the best in your significant other and yourself.
While it may seem humorous or insignificant to make a statement like, “I need a husband for the day,” such phrases embody a concerning approach to gender and relationships. Just like you want your significant other to see the best in you, you need to see the best in him or her. It is a choice to respect, cherish, adore, value, and love someone for who they are whether or not they always deserve it. The less of these affirming actions you do for someone special, the less they are going to do for you. Relationships and marriage are about finding someone you consider to be invaluable and who feels the same way about you. So, make sure your attitude demonstrates that a husband is for a lifetime.
