Dating today has radically changed from the traditional sense of the word. Alternatively, a lot of young people are cashing in their dinner-and-a-movie date night for a modern day phenomenon that is a major cause for concern. Dating is being replaced by what is known as “hooking up.”
We see it in television shows, but this is real life problem. College students and even high schoolers are considering the dating process out-of-date and opting for a more contemporary approach. Instead of a guy approaching a girl, asking permission to take her out, and then making the effort to plan a fun and special night, young people are casually meeting up to just hang out. These hang-outs are only leading to further complications and are a trend we don’t want catching on.
Committed to Not Committing
While it may seem harmless and understandable for singles to take this modern-day approach to dating, there are more deeply-seated issues at hand. One is the non-committal attitude of young people today. Many are the products of broken homes, and marriage and commitment are viewed as something to fear and stay away from instead of seek after. Going through the formalities of dating and being involved in a committed relationship is equated with danger and heartbreak. Rather than deal with those painful experiences, individuals are choosing what they view to be the less dangerous approach.
Not only are broken homes creating commitment phobia, but the lack of parental involvement is also apparent and detrimental. Parents are so engrossed in their own lives that they simply are not involved in their children’s lives. Part of it might be their own personal pain and skepticism toward relationships. The other part might just be that they are too self-absorbed to be proactive in guiding their youngsters toward a healthy approach to romantic endeavors. Whatever the reason, the lack of parental involvement in young people’s lives is leading to these relational bad habits. Parents need to step up and be an example to their children. They need to get involved and make sure their children are demanding the respect he or she deserves. As a parent, if you are struggling with your own mistakes or heartbreak, take that as all the more reason to make sure your child learns from your mistakes. Don’t be content to sit on the sidelines while your child struggles to figure things out.
Laying the Groundwork
“Let’s just see where things go.” This statement marks the general attitude toward meeting someone special these days. Nonchalant, careless, and detached, singles are creating unhealthy patterns in their relationships. Just hanging out and hooking up is now the ideal design or approach to finding a life partner. Granted, most people may be trying to avoid just that – commitment, a spouse, and marriage. The truth is, while it may be scary, most of them will end up in a marriage, but poorly developed behavior patterns and a lack of commitment will set them up for the broken heart they so desperately fear.
It is self-fulfilling prophesy: the very thing young people are trying to avoid will be the very thing that happens because of their avoidance. Traditional dating is actually a great approach to a happy relationship.
Ladies, it may sound old-fashioned, but allow the guy to ask you out and pursue you. God designed men to lead, and that should start from the word go. Time and time again we are seeing women be the aggressors during the dating process, and then they don’t understand why the man won’t step up down the road. Lay the proper groundwork when you are dating by allowing and encouraging the guy to be in the driver’s seat all along.
Guys, step up and be the leader. Treat girls with the respect they deserve, and go the extra mile to win her over. This isn’t just to go through the motions to trick a girl into marrying you; this is how marriage should be – constantly dating and pursuing one another.
If you are lazy when you are dating, you are going to be lazy when you get married. Happy marriages don’t just happen by hanging out together. They are the result of effort, commitment, and the investment of your time and emotions. If you are half-hearted toward your spouse, he or she will reciprocate your lack of enthusiasm, and you will both be miserable and unfulfilled. You see, commitment is scary and can definitely lead to getting hurt at times, but that is part of the process. In marriage, mutual vulnerability within the context of your commitment creates a delicate balance that is so unique and rewarding.
Dating is a time to find out if someone is worth that commitment and vulnerability. You put in the effort, go through the deliberate process of treating one another with respect, and along the way, you figure out if this is someone you want to do life with. If he or she isn’t, then you move on. If he or she is, you are already off to a good start because you have been laying the groundwork for what it means to be in a relationship – meeting one another’s needs, pursuing each other, building a friendship foundation, and learning to work at the quality of the relationship.
The Ugly Truth
Hanging out and hooking up is a hazardous approach to relationships. Not only does it create poor relationship habits, but it puts you at risk for going farther than you should sexually in a premarital relationship. This entails a plethora of even more concerning issues like pregnancy, sexually transmitted diseases, broken hearts and emotional scars, or even rape or injury. There is nothing casual about disrespecting yourself, your body, and God’s perfect design and plan for your life.
The pressure to take the cavalier path to finding a potential spouse can be overwhelming, but it is worth swimming upstream for. The results of just going with the flow can be devastating, and you will be setting yourself up for failure. Dating isn’t just some old-school concept; it’s a respectful means of screening potential lifelong partners to team up with and pursue God’s calling on your life. Who you marry is one of the most important decisions you could ever make. How you get to that decision can make or break your choice and the ensuing marriage. If you want that amazing, fulfilling marriage, it starts with what you do with your single years. Use wisdom, discretion, and prayer to navigate your way toward the destination of a gratifying marriage.
