When you hear the word “wedding,” you probably think of excitement, joy, and laughter. While weddings are certainly a time of celebration filled with all of these, they are also challenging. Weddings are stressful at times and can lead to what I call the “wedding bell blues.”
Often people get caught up in the actual wedding day and forget that it is really an event marking the transition into a lifelong commitment. Rather than focusing on preparing for the upcoming marriage, it becomes all about that one day. The problem then arises when the reality sets in that the wedding is just the kickoff to a much greater life change.
I remember a few weeks before my wedding, I had a pretty major emotional crash. My schedule had been out of control as I had been averaging 70 hours a week juggling a Master’s degree program, a full-time job, a traineeship, my relationship with my fiancé, everyday life, and planning my dream wedding across the country. My life was crazy, and I remember just feeling like I was going to break under the pressure of everything. As the wedding neared, the stress increased and the realization of what marriage meant began to weigh so heavily on me.
As I sat on the floor in my room, I just began sobbing. This emotional outburst had nothing to do with marital doubts. In fact, I had never been so certain about anything in my life as I was about spending the rest of my life with my husband, Steve. It was the combination of thinking through all of the changes that my life was about to undergo along with handling the pressures of planning our dream day that made me so overwhelmed and emotional.
How many times have you really paused to think about the implications of marriage? Sure, you may have thought you are in love and want to spend the rest of your life with your significant other, but have you thought about being responsible for their well-being? Have you considered your new role and what that will look like based on both of your expectations? Marriage is a very serious endeavor that changes a lot of things, and that is why it requires some contemplation and preparation.
If you are dating or engaged, take time to pause and think about what marriage means. Not only will this help you and your significant other address some important areas in your relationship, but it will also help you to cope with the emotional implications of it all. Ladies, you will most likely experience a name change. For me, this was something that caught me off guard emotionally. Suddenly I became aware that who I had been known as for 24 years would no longer exist. There was a sense of identity loss for me. While I was excited to take on my husband’s last name, there was a time when I needed to mourn the loss of who I had always been known as. On a much deeper level, I had to accept what it meant to be a wife. Being someone’s spouse requires a new posture of selflessness in which you look out for the best interests of another. It means you are no longer a single unit making individual decisions but a team whose decisions affect one another. It’s no longer “me,” but “us.” That is big stuff.
For those of you who have given these transitions some thought, you might be dealing with the heaviness of it all like I was. Of course it is exciting, but it’s also a huge commitment. Give yourself the space to deal with all of the changes and come to terms with them. That could mean allowing yourself time to journal, talk, or even cry about it. It could help to find a mentor or friend that you can discuss some of your thoughts and feelings with concerning all of these changes. If you opt to do premarital counseling, a lot of these things can be addressed during these sessions. Whatever approach you choose to take, it is important to think about, deal with, and prepare for the major life changes that marriage brings.
Some of you might be in the middle of planning a wedding right now. You may be stressed out about finalizing, affording, and coordinating your special day. In the midst of it all, you might be feeling more frazzled than ecstatic. This is totally normal. Wedding planning is stressful and can leave you in an emotional whirlwind. It is important to not lose sight of what it is all about: marrying the love of your life.
It is easy to struggle with finding the joy that getting married brings because of the never-ending wedding to-do list looming over your head. First, take a deep breath. Now, just allow yourself to relax a little bit. Next, remind yourself that, while a memorable wedding is fantastic, the real event is getting to spend the rest of your life with the one you love. Take little moments to do non-wedding-related things with your fiancé. Don’t allow the wedding to become all-encompassing to the point that you and your fiancé forget to enjoy one another’s company aside from all of the planning. Finally, take one thing at a time. It all will get done, and there is no point in stressing yourself out over it. Prioritize your to-do list, and then tackle it one thing at a time.
It is easy to get lost in the “big day” shuffle. You might find yourself feeling more negative emotions than positive ones. Be gracious with yourself and your fiancé through this time. It’s okay to have the “wedding bell blues” as you tackle everything that comes along with this transition into the next phase of life. Just remember that it is all about planning for your marriage, not just the wedding. Take deep breaths. Relax. Be patient. And have some fun.
