This time of year is consumed with talk of resolutions. Everyone is filled with hope that the New Year holds promise for a better life. Goals are set. Determination is widespread. A fresh dose of optimism fills the minds of people everywhere.
The end of one year and the start of another is the perfect time to sit back and assess where you have been and where you hope to go. Many people make a list of resolutions. From losing weight to eating healthier, reconnecting with old friends to making new ones, reading more to starting an active lifestyle, people set their minds to improving their quality of life.
While eating healthier and exercising more are beneficial, this year I am setting my heart on a different kind of resolution – relationship resolutions. Relationships have always been my passion. My parents always emphasized the significance of family in our home, and it is something that has remained central to my existence throughout my life.
Having moved around quite a bit up until this point in my life, relationships present somewhat of a challenge. Despite my determination to bridge the gap when distance threatens to tear me away from those I care deeply about, the miles have their way of winning out. Many friendships have slipped into chapters of my life that are now history, teaching me some valuable lessons about the relationships that really matter.
There are three relationships in a person’s life that are of utmost importance – God, spouse, and family. No matter how much I have moved around or how tumultuous life has been these three relationships have stayed constant and consistent – two things I have found to be extremely important as I get older. That is why in the New Year I am putting an emphasis on prioritizing and strengthening these three vital relationships.
Growing up in the church has its benefits and downsides. One benefit is that God’s Word and His guiding principles have been sewn into the very fabric of my existence. “What Would Jesus Do?” and “God first” are more than just common sayings to me. These words are absolutes that guide and direct my daily living. Growing up in an incredible family has given me a Christian foundation on which I have had the opportunity to build a solid life, and for that I am extremely thankful.
On the other hand, growing up in a Christian home has left the transformative power a personal relationship with Christ can have as a gift sometimes taken for granted. When something is second nature to you, you forget that it is your responsibility to maintain it. Just like any other relationship, the connection between myself and God is one that requires work and attention to grow. In Revelation 2:4 -5, God warns the Church of Ephesus saying, “You have forsaken your first love. Remember the height from which you have fallen! Repent and do the thing you did at first.” This is a great reminder that we must maintain that initial love affair with Christ that we once had. We cannot be content to coast through life with a mediocre relationship with our Savior, rather we must put forth effort to keep it passionate and growing.
Next in the list of relationship priorities is marriage. When you first fall in love, your relationship is on auto-pilot. Spending quality time together, being thoughtful, and meeting the needs of your significant other are second nature. It all comes so easily, and often couples cannot shake the euphoric feelings of being on “cloud nine” when together. The problem is that this euphoric state is known as the infatuation stage and has an average lifespan of two years.
Before panic sets in that your relationship is doomed, take a deep breath. The good news is that while the warm, fuzzy feelings you have may fade, your relationship is maturing and transitioning into an intentional stage. This simply means that your relationship is going to require you both to work at it. You might start noticing flaws, getting irritated with one another, and finding yourself struggling to put him/her first. This is especially true when a couple gets married and finds themselves living under one roof. This stage of the relationship requires both individuals to take a more mature and intentional stance in which each person works at communicating, growing, listening, and adapting to the needs of their spouse in order to make the marriage mutually fulfilling.
While the intentional stage of marriage can be challenging, it leads to a much deeper level of intimacy, commitment, and love. Personally, I want to work at my intentionality this year with my spouse. I have such an amazing husband, but at times, I may take him for granted, let him slip down the list of priorities, allow myself to focus on the negatives, and/or forget to go out of my way to keep the marriage fresh. It is important for me to keep my husband feeling loved, appreciated, respected, and desired. Life can make this difficult to do at times, but this is all the more reason to work harder at it. Every day, I need to come up with ways to make my marriage and my spouse the top priority! This is a relationship resolution that I want to uphold this year and in all the years to come.
After my husband, my relationship with my family is of great significance in my life. My family is all spread out across the United States. I live in Southern California, my parents are in Pennsylvania, my sister and her family are in Florida, my other sister is in Minnesota, and my in-laws are in Northern California. This geographically diverse situation has proven to be very difficult. Most of our vacation and free time is spent traveling around in hopes of getting our fill of quality time with our families. Though somehow it never feels like enough, and I find myself missing my family more and more with each passing day.
With no immediate remedy to the miles between all of us, my family relationship resolution is to better appreciate the time I do get with them and to make every effort I can to stay connected. That means more cards, more phone calls, and more emails. Family is so important, and I believe it is imperative to make every effort to help them feel loved and appreciated. They cannot be taken for granted.
Relationship resolutions are some of the best ones you can make. For me it means growing my relationship with Christ through more in-depth prayer, studying the Bible, and community outreach. It means cultivating a stronger and healthier relationship with my husband through more thoughtfulness, quality time, effort, and affirmation. It means developing an improved relationship with each of my family members despite the distance between all of us through increased contact and quality of conversation.
How can you strengthen these three relationships in your life? Take time during this introspective season to assess your relationships. Examine where they came from, where they are now, and where you want them to lead. What will it take for that to happen? Relationships are central to who we are, and they provide so much enrichment to our lives. This year, resolve to make your relationships a priority.
