For six months of our engagement, my fiancé (now-husband) was for all practical purposes unemployed. Zach had moved to Pennsylvania for the opportunity of a coaching position, which was more of a stipend arrangement than a salaried position, and in the end even the stipend didn’t pan out. He lived hand to mouth on a part-time retail job at Banana Republic, eating pasta or scrambled eggs most nights, skating by on cheap rent, and trying to pay off debt from school loans. Meanwhile, what he calls “the most reckless financial decision of my life” sparkled from atop my finger.
The ring was like nothing I had ever seen before, a cluster of sixteen small diamonds in the shape of a star, and Zach knew it was just what he wanted to give me. He had kept his eye on it for months as we maintained our long-distance relationship, and because our visits were far and few between, he knew that somehow the purchase had to be made so that he could propose when he next saw me.
By most people’s standards, the ring was not unaffordable. But to Zach, who barely made ends meet as he searched for a full-time job and juggled payments, it was like the widow’s offering of two coins at the temple in Luke 21: while the rich gave expensive gifts that barely made a dent in their bank balance, the widow gave the only two coins she had. Zach had to decide between paying for his car repair and buying the ring, so he borrowed his brother’s car and drove to see me with a velvet box tucked into his pocket.
Why did he choose to spend his savings on what could wait?
Because of his father’s advice, “You will either suffer together or suffer apart.” Because the cost of separation was much bigger than the expense of a ring or a wedding. Engagement had been an anguished topic between Zach and I; we wanted to get married but it seemed like the “responsible” thing to do was take care of our college debt first. It just didn’t seem plausible for us to marry when Zach had not yet successfully landed a full-time job, and I was only working part-time myself. How would we manage?
But my father-in-law’s words encouraged us, and it was true: if we waited until we were financially ready to get married, we probably never would! We realized that we needed to get some practical essentials in order before we tied the knot, but we also firmly believed that God was bringing us together and He would orchestrate such provisions.
Now, on the other side of our vows, it is amazing to look back and see how God extravagantly provided for us. Zach was offered a full-time job in the town his parents live in, I was given the opportunity to work from home giving me the flexibility to move anywhere, and in the course of our eight month engagement we were given a laptop, a car, and our honeymoon! And thanks to the overwhelming generosity of our friends and family and God’s abundant provision, we ended up doubling our savings goal by the time we got married.
By counting these blessings, I don’t want to make it sound like it was easy; there were many moments where we felt both helpless and penniless. But I do think it’s valuable to look back and trace the decisions that helped us as we prepared for marriage.
First, we made a decision that no number was going to stand in between us and our marriage. Zach and I did not want to start out our marriage under the assumption that money prevails over relationship. It was a matter of priority: we knew that our bank account would always fluctuate with money that is temporal, but marriage is lasting. So we chose to invest in our marriage, in building something that will last, before our finances.
But that didn’t mean we threw our money out the window, either. We were confident that God was bringing us together and we trusted Him to provide for us, but we also committed to a responsible financial plan. As an engaged couple we communicated with each other about spending and saving expectations, and we reviewed our personal financial habits. We determined a plan to get out of debt and created a budget for life after the wedding.
Since then, we’ve come a long way. I could not be happier that we married when we did, and I’ve come to believe that being financially ready for marriage has little to do with arriving at a “magic number,” because if you are careless or unreliable with cash no amount will ever be enough. Instead, I’ve learned that financial readiness is demonstrated by a willingness to adjust, cut back, and deal responsibly with money, all for the sake of your spouse and your marriage, which is far more precious than anything money can buy.
