Marriage is a big commitment. It is probably the biggest and most important decision you can ever make, which is why it is one that should not be taken lightly. While some people may err on the side of not considering marriage carefully enough, there is the other extreme as well, which is the non-committal.
Commitment to a marriage is an act of great bravery; however, that should not scare you away from making it. Typically, if you are finding yourself in a relationship that is about to take that leap of faith and the only leap you are wanting to take is onto the next train out of town, there is a reason for that apprehension. There are two possible sources for this lack of commitment.
Your Significant Other
Your lack of commitment to the relationship might be stemming from an issue related to your significant other. Perhaps you are afraid that he or she is going to hurt you. It is time to ask yourself whether or not that is a valid and realistic concern. What makes you think that? What has he or she actually done to make you believe that? Is there someone lurking in the back of your mind who you are afraid he or she is going to be like? If you ask yourself these questions, you will determine whether or not there is validity to your concern. If there is, then you need to figure out if this is something the two of you can overcome with help. If it is not resolvable,you already have your answer: it is up to you to gather the strength to walk away from the relationship.
You
If you have asked yourself all of the above questions and realize that your significant other is not the problem, it is time to consider yourself as the problem. Ask yourself questions to get to the root of the issue: Are you afraid that you might hurt the one you are with? Are you afraid that you are going to turn into someone you do not want to be like? If you answered yes to either of these questions, then you know that there are some things you need to work through. Stop now. Choose not to be like that person you do not want to be. Stop the attacking, criticizing, and destroying your significant other and relationship. Start affirming, complimenting, and encouraging him/her. Make the choice to be different and then do it. If you need, seek professional help. Break the cycle that you are so afraid of repeating.
There is always a root to every problem or issue. If you are experiencing fears of commitment, you need to get to the root of that issue. What is really holding you up? Is it a legitimate reason? Is it you or your loved one? Is it something you and/or they can change? Seek help and pray for discernment, but you need to answer these questions if you want to conquer your fear of commitment.
