When my husband and I suffered our first miscarriage in 2012, our marriage suffered immensely. It’s almost as if we were unknowingly looking for children to fix the hurting and ailing parts of our marriage and hearts. At the time, we did not realize that our marriage was shattered in various elements, but after the intense emotional pain and baggage of our miscarriage, we stopped turning to Jesus, and started looking for a way out. We talked about divorce, and God quickly intervened and began healing our hearts and relationship.
While it is painful to talk about, it is long in the past and we believe that sharing our story may help someone else struggling with an ailing heart.
God has done a lot of mending and the thought of divorce at this point in our marriage feels so foreign. Our marriage is not all rainbows and butterflies, but we have faced numerous obstacles together and realized that God can use these obstacles to strengthen our relationship and bring us closer together.
While we did have the unfortunate idea that children would be the healing element in our marriage, here are three things to consider before growing your family:
1. Children won’t “fix” your relationship.
If you have unresolved baggage, secrets, emotional turmoil, or feel like something is missing, spend time together in God’s Word, be open and honest with one another, and realize that marriage is a journey. Take time doing mission projects together, go on dates regularly, and really enjoy spending time with your spouse. Really work on opening that pathway to positive communication in your relationship.
2. Having children does add increased stress to your relationship and finances.
Before having kids, I did not realize that having children really does take over your relationship. While it is the best thing that ever happened to me, you do find yourself missing being able to be spontaneous and go see a movie on Friday night or just sleep in and snuggle with your spouse. Children are an amazing gift, but your relationship does change. Your financial needs increase. You have to learn to be creative in spending time together to ensure that your relationship with your spouse does not suffer and get put on the backburner.
3. Growing your family can be the best gift – your beautiful story will unfold in God’s timing.
There is nothing like seeing your spouse blossom as a parent and love a little human unconditionally that you conceived together. It is truly a gift from God in every way. These gifts do happen at different rates for everyone. Some people conceive on their honeymoon, while others have miscarriages or are unable to conceive altogether. Your story may look different – but you have to give it to God rather than let waiting or frustration overtake your marriage.
If you feel like your marriage is in shambles, take time to love on your spouse. Take time to work on your relationship with Christ together and let Him do the mending. It is normal to face obstacles in your marriage. It is normal to face heartache in your personal life, but don’t let Satan win. Don’t let Satan tell you that your spouse isn’t worth it.
Don’t let Satan convince you that you are unlovable. Don’t look for fulfillment in the wrong things – let the love, mercy, joy, and hope that only God can give do the mending. Jesus is the healing element for your heart and marriage.
