There is a lot of talk these days about December 21, 2012—the date the Mayan calendar ends and what that might mean for those of us on planet Earth. Some are speculating that the world will end. Some feel life will go on. The whole “scare” brings to mind the paranoia that surrounded Y2K. Many were stocking supplies: gas, generators, log cabins, canned goods, tents, guns, hunting materials, and the like. I personally jumped on board and bought an extra gallon of water which began and ended my disaster prep. Guess I’m not one to fear the worst. Regardless, watching how people react to news of doom and gloom intrigues (and entertains) me to no end.
How would you react if you learned of news that, with some high degree of accuracy, predicted the end of your marriage? Would you take precautions? Would you go on as usual? Would you care? The answer to these questions might give you a confirming or perhaps an uneasy glimpse into how much you value your commitment to your spouse. Most of us aren’t going to look to the Mayans to find out if our marriage will end, but there are a few indicators that D-Day might eventually come to our shores.
- “We just don’t talk anymore.” — Communication is key in any relationship and vital in a marriage and it’s usually the first sign of trouble. If a couple find themselves at a place where they no longer talk to each other because they really don’t care, then apocalypse looms. Sometimes arguments can also lead to a lack of communication, where one or both spouses shut down or withdraw. Space is sometimes necessary, but a couple needs to work at coming back together and working through the issue at hand. When communication dies, it usually isn’t long before the marriage dies. The good news is that it only takes one spouse to initiate conversation, apology, or forgiveness to break down the barren walls of neglected communication.
- “Intimacy? What’s that?!” — After communication dies, waning sexual intimacy is typically the next sign that a marriage is approaching disaster. True sexual intimacy (not just sex) requires more than our bodies. Dr. Gary Chapman says it like this, “While sex is the joining of two bodies, love is the joining of two souls. Sex without love will never be ultimately satisfying, but sex that grows out of love will take a marriage to a whole new level of satisfaction.” When a marriage is thriving and communication is healthy, sex is a mind blowing, soul shaking experience. This is the way God created it and also why He designed it for marriage – because it’s only in that place of commitment and security that we can fully release ourselves to one another. If the sexual embers in your marriage are slowly fading, don’t just rely on the bed to satisfy… start with some conversation. Get to know each other intellectually and emotionally again. Try getting playful in other rooms of the house as well. A flirty conversation in the kitchen while making fajitas might add some spice to more than dinner. 😉
- “I wish my spouse would treat me better… like so-n-so treats me.” — It doesn’t take long to start entertaining romantic thoughts about others once communication and sexual intimacy have been cast aside in a marriage. Humans are wired for relationship and if we are neglecting our spouse in these crucial areas, we can be sure that they are starving for attention. It is extremely dangerous to drop to this level in a marriage and begin to either entertain these thoughts . . . or neglect our spouse so that they begin to entertain the thoughts about others. God gave Adam and Eve a garden full of fruit they could enjoy and only asked them not to eat the forbidden fruit. Satan’s tactic was to get Eve to first take her mind off of all that God provided, convince her that the forbidden fruit was better, and ultimately make her feel that God was holding her back from something that would make her happy. Unfortunately, she and Adam bought the lie and took the bait. Their relationship with God suffered even more. They found themselves hiding and covering their shame. So it is with entertaining thoughts about others. Someone who is not your spouse is forbidden fruit. The Proverbs tells us, “Drink water from your own cistern, flowing water from your own well. Should your springs be scattered abroad, streams of water in the streets? Let them be for yourself alone, and not for strangers with you. Let your fountain be blessed, and rejoice in the wife of your youth, a lovely deer, a graceful doe. Let her breasts fill you at all times with delight; be intoxicated always in her love. Why should you be intoxicated, my son, with a forbidden woman and embrace the bosom of an adulteress? For a man’s ways are before the eyes of the Lord, and he ponders all his paths. The iniquities of the wicked ensnare him, and he is held fast in the cords of his sin. He dies for lack of discipline, and because of his great folly he is led astray.” Thoughts lead to actions. Guard your thoughts. Save your marriage.
- “We’re just going our separate ways.”— If you accept this lie, pending doom lurks around the corner. When I hear people say this, so eloquently justifying their separation or divorce, it makes me want to slap the apathy off them. What a lame and apathetic excuse to just give up and walk away from someone you pledged vows to! A real man just doesn’t give in to his circumstance—he goes after his wife. A strong woman doesn’t let her marriage die—she woos her husband back. When you find yourself just going your own way realize that it is just that… YOUR OWN way. It’s selfish and conceited. In marriage, your way should become our way. A marriage that is going to survive the looming predictions of failure and last a lifetime is one in which two individuals walk together, talk together, and last but not least, dream together.
Until the end is upon us, it’s never too late to turn the tables on pending marriage disaster. As God told Cain in Genesis 4:6-7 (NLT), “’Why are you so angry?’ the Lord asked Cain. ‘Why do you look so dejected? You will be accepted if you do what is right. But if you refuse to do what is right, then watch out! Sin is crouching at the door, eager to control you. But you must subdue it and be its master.’” It will take discipline. It might take determination. It might look against all odds. But you can defy the odds and have a healthy and growing marriage.
I don’t know what is going to happen on December 21, 2012, but I do know that if the world does end… there is no one I would rather face it with than my wife and the family we’ve created together.
